


Lupin's a Loon, but Black's a Bitch!

by KinugoshiDofu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I love these babes, M/M, Marauders' Era, Supposed to be funny, so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8573314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinugoshiDofu/pseuds/KinugoshiDofu
Summary: When he reached out to ring the bell, he was stopped by a voice calling him from the first story balcony.
“Moony, ‘s that you?” he stumbled backwards, quite astonishingly happy to hear his friend’s hoarse voice calling for him – when he looked up, he saw Sirius hanging over the railing, his wild manes loose from their usual bound, only a towel wrapped around his loins, “the door’s unlocked, go on in, I’ll be right down!”
The boy’s grin widened when Remus gave him a wave in greeting, before bravely approaching the door. Somehow the knowledge that he wouldn’t have to knock, introduce himself, and then nervously wait aside Sirius’ mother for the boy to come down, calmed him considerably.
Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
He was wrong.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am so happy to see that people here love Sirius/Remus! It is still my OTP and to see that after all these years people are still just obsessed with them as I am just makes my tummy warm with happiness.
> 
> This one is one of my personal favourite ones I've ever written! Hope you guys enjoy it~
> 
> I really strongly believe that Grimmauld place is bigger than the movies make it seem, and even though Sirius left home at 16 he is older here so just ignore that!

The mere sight of the vast property in front of him caused an uncanny urge to cower in fright. Ever the brave Gryffindor though, Remus remembered just in time to repress that highly unpleasurable urge, and instead squared his shoulders, inwardly speaking words of confidence and comfort.

It wasn’t helping one bit, but that was besides the point.

He had never before had an urge to visit the Black residence, besides the fact that obviously, his boyfriend – and quite frankly, the best fuck he ever had – resided there. It seemed a bit unnecessary to point out that although the love of his life did live there, he had no real need to visit the boy there. The Blacks didn’t even like Gryffindors when they were their own spouse, he made no illusions to the fact that they would not tolerate him, as the Gryffindor lover of their gay relative. The idea that one day he might wine and dine with them, made him chortle rather abruptly, even though the idea in itself was not so funny.

Seeing how he was sure that scenario would end with his head on a golden platter, he pushed it out of his mind and tried thinking positive thoughts.

The towering mansion in front of him did nothing to fuel anything remotely positive.

He sighed, cursing himself lightly under his breath. An old woman passing by on the side walk looked at him strangely, but he ignored it, focussing instead on mustering up all his courage.

Honestly. He was a Gryffindor but too damned scared to even ring the bell so he could see his boyfriend and whisk him off for a night of responsible drinking and considerably less-responsible shagging. He wanted to feel tense in the morning, and no all-ancient family was going to stop him!

When he reached out to ring the bell, he was stopped by a voice calling him from the first story balcony.

“Moony, ‘s that you?” he stumbled backwards, quite astonishingly happy to hear his friend’s hoarse voice calling for him – when he looked up, he saw Sirius hanging over the railing, his wild manes loose from their usual bound, only a towel wrapped around his loins, “the door’s unlocked, go on in, I’ll be right down!”

The boy’s grin widened when Remus gave him a wave in greeting, before bravely approaching the door. Somehow the knowledge that he wouldn’t have to knock, introduce himself, and then nervously wait aside Sirius’ mother for the boy to come down, calmed him considerably.

Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

He was wrong.

What he had forgotten was that Sirius’ parents were not the only Blacks. And that Blacks liked crowds – how could he forget that, considering how much of an attention-whore Sirius was, despite him always claiming otherwise – and that Grimmauld twelve was still their favourite meeting place.

As soon as he pushed the doors to the large mansion open, he was greeted with over a dozen pair of steel eyes fixed on him. Behind him, the oak doors fell shut with a large resounding _clunk_ , and every Black that had not been looking at him before, was definitely doing so now.

Remus had never felt so out-of-place in his whole entire life.

The house was furnished with the most expensive pieces Remus had ever seen – varying from deep green tapestry to clear crystal chandeliers – and so were the Blacks and their guests themselves. They were all dressed in expensive robes, outer clothes left open, with their neat white dress shirts showing. The women were wearing fancy cocktail dresses, all holding their drinks in long glasses, their pinkies stuck out as if that somehow made the fact that they were consuming alcohol seem more refined. The men were mostly smoking, giving him a look of utter confusion, while their wives seemed to be more displeased, Walburga’s eyebrows raised to disappear into her tidily combed fringe.

Remus, dressed in his black shorts and red t-shirt felt utterly out of place. He also felt like an absolute dolt for wearing the ring Sirius had given him in fourth year around his neck – he always wore it on a silver chain – since it clearly gleamed in the light, and even though he had been honoured and delighted to receive such a gift, all the Blacks were showing off their own expensive gold jewellery like it was no one’s business. The hood of the white jacket he was wearing had some holes near the seam, and was far too big for him, as it had been a hand-me-down from his father. His sneakers were dreadfully worn and even though they had once been white, they were spotted with black and seemed to be of a more faded grey colour, a weak resemblance of their earlier glory. Remus simply paled in comparison to the many young girls who had attended the party, not all of them pure Blacks, and his mind unwillingly wondered if this had been one of those parties where rich parents hook their young bachelors up with each other.

Was one of those young women supposed to be Sirius’?

“And who may you be, dear boy?” Orion Black – almost a spitting image of Sirius, apart from the fact that the older man kept his hair short, and that Sirius’ cheekbones were higher and more-defined – was, as Sirius had told him many times before, definitely nicer than his wife.

He had a natural nonchalant air about him, something he had passed along to his oldest son, and though he made no direct moves to welcome Remus into the family, he didn’t look ready to strangle him either, which Remus welcomed with both arms at that point, considering the look of repulsion Walburga was giving him.

“I’m Remus Lupin sir,” Remus gave him his most polite smile, straightening his back and giving the older man a polite nod, “I’m a friend of Sirius.”

Immediately whispers spread through the crowd, and he could hear mutters of ‘ _he must be a Gryffindor than!’_ and ‘ _look at those shorts? Is he a paid friend?’_ – at which he had the dignity to glare, since his shorts at least reached his knees, which was more than could be said of some of the younger girls’ dresses – and some jealous hushes of ‘ _this is what Sirius is ditching us for?’_ came from said younger girls.

“I see,” Orion gave a nod, taking a drag from his cigar as he scrutinised Remus carefully, “tell us, how do you keep up with that boy’s temper, hmm?”

Remus chuckled besides himself – he tried to chuckle in a sophisticated way, before realising there was no such thing – and his smile widened at the thought of his boyfriend. He really was a menace, and Remus could never be quite sure if Sirius was a real nutcase, or just pretended to be one for funs.

“I don’t keep up, really,” Remus answered truthfully, “just let him drag me along, I suppose.”

There was something close to mockery in Orion’s eyes when he looked at Remus, a sort of pitying smile playing in the corner of his mouth. Some of the women laughed, claiming that that would be something typically Sirius, after all.

Walburga pursed her lips in distaste at her husband’s interest in the boy, ready to speak up, when they were all distracted by a voice calling from upstairs: “baby?”

Remus recognised it to be Sirius’, and, though he was partly relieved that the boy was coming down – thank Merlin he would no longer have to suffer by himself, under the scrutinizing glare of every single person in the room – he also wondered if Sirius calling him ‘baby’ in front of all his relatives was really such a good idea.

The young Black appeared at the top of the stairs, and everyone instantly turned to him – when Sirius was in the room, all eyes were always on him, it was an unspoken rule unable to be broken, as if the mere sight of him was too enchanting to resist – unable to admit that, even though he was perhaps the Black that had malfunctioned, he was still by far the most handsome being ever to walk the earth.

He was dressed in a considerably tight blue jeans – for once a completely intact jeans, where usually the knees of his trousers would be worn, though granted, he always did look splendid when going out with Remus – with a pair of red sneakers. He was only wearing a white tank top to cover up his upper body, and his muscles were shown off unabashedly – the sight alone causing Remus’ knees to wobble – with the tattoo he had on his upper arm revealed for all the world to see. The raven had tied his damp locks together messily, stray threshes framing his face beautifully.

It was as if everyone inexplicably held their breaths in anticipation. It wasn’t until he took the first step down the stairs that some of the girls swooned, and the adults exchanged a look which clearly stated that no matter how much they may disapprove of his manners, there was no denying his godlike features. He was carrying his silver earring, and went do put it in, absentmindedly running his grey eyes over his relatives in search from Remus.

“Baby?” his father repeated in question, stern eyes set on his oldest son.

“Yes father, _baby_ ,” Sirius paused, releasing the earring when it was secured, taking his time to carefully explain the exact meaning of the word, “an endearment frequently used from one person to another,” he gave one of the girls his most charming grin, questioning in a hoarse purr: “baby, are you here?”

And Remus was, quite promptly, blushing mortified. He willed the shameful red away from his cheeks, focussing instead only on Sirius. If it would just be the two of them in the room, this would be no problem. But no. That prat had to insist on him entering the house. It was Sirius’ fault he was in such a dreadful condition, honestly.

“I’m here Sirius,” Remus gave a foolish little wave of his hand, but as soon as he saw Sirius’ grin widen, he couldn’t care less about his own stupidity.

Because the Blacks may be terrifying – Sirius’ radiant smile outshone them all.

Everyone turned their looks on Remus once more, and had Sirius not been present, another stream of rumours would have spread like fire. As it was, everyone was too awed by the young Black’s appearance to feel like gossiping, eager to find out how he would interact with the other, unrefined and undignified teenager.

“So you are,” Sirius smirked, his eyes roving down Remus’ body appreciatively as he approached, like a beast stalking its pray, “you look absolutely gorgeous baby, just for me?”

When he was close enough to touch his boyfriend, Sirius did not hesitate to do so – he hooked a slender finger in the loops of Remus’ shorts and pulled the boy’s waist to his own – giving the tan cheek a peck in greeting. Remus couldn’t help but blush again at the words of praise. He tried to repress the urge to reach out and hold Sirius, and absolutely failed. His weakness, after all, was Sirius, and with the boy so close-by, he just had to lay his hands on him. He held the boy’s forearms as the majestic fingers played with his waistband, Sirius’ fangs showing as he grinned.

“I missed you Moony,” he purred teasingly, loud enough so all his relatives would understand.

Remus couldn’t help but smile as well, definitely when the raven brought a hand up his chest. He rested it across the ring, and examined the chain pensively, sounding pleased as he asked: “did you change the necklace baby? Because I told you I’d get you a new one if you preferred.”

“I was bored,” Remus admitted, “I just polished it a bit.”

Before Sirius could comment or do anything as dreadfully indecent as kiss him again, Orion gave a cough to draw his son’s attention. Sirius looked up at his father with a clear look of fake-interest, though he did not let go of Remus – quite the opposite, so Remus noticed, as it seemed that Sirius was only trying to squeeze him in closer to his broad body, which was rather impossible, since they were already meshed nicely together.

“I take it that when mister Lupin introduced himself as your friend,” Orion began, taking a moment’s pause for emphasis, “he was only half truthful?”

Walburga’s eyebrows once more rose to meet with her fringe and Remus inwardly groaned when he saw Sirius’ eyes widen in fake-shock.

“A _friend_!” he repeated, appearing to all the world outraged, as he turned his wide eyes on Remus, “Is that how little I mean to you!”

“Of course not,” Remus shushed him, very much aware of all the eyes boring holes into his fragile frame as he tried soothing the Black, “you know that’s not how I meant it!”

“Do you even care for me!” Sirius demanded in a high-pitched voice, sounding completely in distress.

Orion was smirking visibly, though Walburga regarded them in distaste. Everyone seemed to be stuck somewhere between shock, repulsion and amused.

It was chaos.

Not to mention the fact that Sirius took a resolute step back, crossing his arms in front of his oh-so-well-defined chest with a childish huff.

“You’re an insufferable git Sirius Orion Black,” Remus said with quite some mustered malice in his voice – and Sirius’ eyes flashed in a moment of real-life-hurt, which only made Remus wish the boy would be a little less of a drama-queen, because really, he had started it, “but I love you more than life itself. You’re not coming with me like that though,” he vaguely indicated Sirius, who now seemed rather insulted, and a girl in the back swooned and fainted when he set his hands on his hips, “because you’ll be even more of an insufferable git if you catch a cold.”

“Oh Moony,” Sirius sighed like a teenage girl, batting his eyelashes, “you say the most romantic things!”

“Don’t I?” Remus rolled his eyes at his boyfriend, though a smile still crept onto his face.

“Mhm,” Sirius pulled the other boy’s waist back into his own, his eyes twinkling mischievously, “quite.”

And with that, he unceremoniously lowered his lips onto Remus’. Remus felt one of those highly indecent hands crawl to the small of his back, petting the exposed skin between his shirt and his shorts fairly affectionately under the jacket.

There was the vague sound of glass breaking, and if Remus was not mistaken, it was Walburga’s cocktail that had slipped from her hand. Well, as it was, he had other hands to focus on, like the one Sirius was not-all-too discretely trying to worm into the front of Remus’ short.

Remus batted the hand away rather unsuccessfully, though now it just groped the band of his shorts, which was considerably better than feeling him up in front of the whole entire Black family. He pulled back his mouth as well, evading the next kiss – this time, more successfully – by clucking his tongue and pushing his finger to Sirius’ mouth.

“We ought to go,” Sirius decided when he realised he would not be getting any lovin’ from his boyfriend as long as they were in the same room as his parents – or you know, any of his relatives for that matter, “father, mother, I will not be returning home tonight.”

He gave them a wide smile – his eyes still locked safely with Remus’, and he saw the grey darken unmistakably – reaching for his jacket by the door. Orion gave a nod in confirmation, Walburga’s jaw clenching as she bit her tongue to keep from scolding her son.

“Come one baby,” Sirius shrugged the jacket on while he led Remus out the door, using his hand on the boy’s back to force him in the general direction of the polished oak – he ran a slender finger up Remus’ back and down again, licking his lips hungrily, “it’s been too long, I can’t wait to see that gorgeous arse of yours...” he faltered when he saw his father’s stern glance and added with a grin: “err, move on the dancefloor I mean.”

He winked at his father as he closed the front door behind them, as if to say, ‘you know I don’t mean on the dancefloor, don’t you, you old perv!’

The idea that Sirius would call his father a pervert was rather stupid in itself – the idea that he would do so with a wink, perhaps even more so. But Remus ignored that and instead looked at his boyfriend in shock.

“So,” Sirius flashed him another one of those stunning grins and immediately, Remus’ knees went weak, “that was nice.”

“ _Nice!_ ” Remus shrieked in disbelief – the fierce emotion calming as soon as the older boy pulled him into his body, because really, that was just delightful.

How was he supposed to resist to _that_ , anyway?

“Well, you’re not dead, are you?” Sirius asked nonchalantly, reaching over for another hot, open-mouthed kiss.

And Remus supposed that, honestly, he _should_ be happy for that.

And for Sirius’ hand on his arse of course – that also was something he should learn to value greatly.


End file.
